The Man behind the Melons

A 929-pound pumpkin.

A 175-pound watermelon.

Who’s behind these freakishly large crops? A man by the name of Mr. Mudd. And he’s got the market cornered at the Kentucky State Fair for largest melon – he’s been taking the blue ribbon home for that contest eight years running.

Frank Mudd of Flaherty, Ky. said his pumpkins, one weighing nearly 900 pounds and the other weighing over 929 pounds, could yield nearly 1,000 pumpkin pies. But that’s not why he grows them.

He uses hardly any fertilizer when growing his giant produce, but instead makes his own compost, made of trash and leaves.

As he shakes the hand of contest superintendent and former Fair board member, J. Robert Miller, in his bright green and yellow John Deere cap, Mudd seems all too humble to be the decorated grower of such a fine harvest.

A Day in the Life of a Fairbear

10:08 a.m.

I zip up the fuzzy brown suit with my human hand before I slip into the paws that will soon be handing out shakes and high-fives. Then I pop on my big, bear head and everything gets dark. But it doesn’t matter what it’s like on the inside because on the outside, I’m a Fairbear. I’m the distributor of laughs, the epitome of fun, the titan of the Thrillway, the colossus of buffoonery.

10:59 a.m.

It’s almost time for my entrance on the Kidz Biz stage. The song “The Bare Necessities” from “The Jungle Book” beckons me out to greet my tiny admirers.

Through the small viewing space in the mask, I can see that some of the kids aren’t sure what to do. Do they run up and say hello? Stay with their parents and watch from a distance? Or get as far away from the big, brown bear as possible?

A small swarm of kids timidly come forward, some give me high-five’s, while others poke at the costume and some want to give me a big bear hug.

11:06 a.m.

Parents gather around like the paparazzi, taking pictures of their children with the Fairbear. Maybe this will hit TMZ by next week. In this suit, I’m a parent’s perfect photo op. This is the easy part; all I have to do is wave and give hugs. The next part is a little trickier in this cumbersome costume.

11:09 a.m.

“The Fairbear will be doing the ‘Cha Cha Slide,’ so stick around and dance with the Fairbear!” says my Fairbear assistant. If only it were as easy as it sounds. This cumbersome costume makes the hops, stomps, crisscrosses and claps an awkward routine, more than a dance, but the kids are into it, and so are some of the adults. The kids look at me like I’m a Fairbear rock star!

11:12 a.m.

I pantomime wiping sweat off my bear brow and come down off the stage for final hugs and photos with the kids. By this time the kids are already wandering away, screaming for a cotton candy and to visit the animals in the West Hall.

My duty as a Fairbear is done here. And the Fairbear fades in to obscurity … until next time. It’s fun to have so many kids be excited to see you, but it also feels good to be out of that giant bear head.

A Day in the Life of a Cast-Iron Chef

Pots of water boil; steam rises in the air, mingling with the chef’s anticipation. A fan blows behind them as the crowd cheers before them.
“We got some screamers out there,” Chef Roberta Cattan jokes with the announcer.

Roberta Cattan and Robert Beauregard take their places on the Gourmet Garden stage. With just a half an hour on the clock, they’ve got to pull off a meal that wows the judges.

Cattan, a blue-ribbon champ six years running, is trying to hold on to her title. She is up against first- time competitor Beauregard, and he just may get in the way of her seventh consecutive win.

“If I’m going to compete, I’d rather compete against a champion,” Beauregard tells the audience. Cattan smiles, because that is exactly what he’s doing.

They must simultaneously prepare a blue-ribbon meal with yet-to-be announced secret ingredients, while also being a crowd-pleaser. And it certainly is a big crowd.

As the competition begins, the wicker basket appears. Inside is the secret ingredient. The announcer in his best game-show host voice says, “Today, the secret ingredients are…flank steak and bell peppers.”

Both of the chefs’ minds are working fast. How do I prepare the meat? With what side dishes? Should I grab more green peppers off the Kentucky Proud cart?

While the announcer warms up the audience with his silly shtick, the chefs decide. Beauregard tells the audience he has chosen to pan-sear the flank steak and serve it with angel hair pasta and Tuscan drunken vegetables. Cattan, with her title on the line, announces she will thinly slice her flank steak on the bias and serve it with a vegetable medley and mashed potatoes. Cattan also plans to use her own secret ingredient: a blend of 11 different spices she creates herself.

They cook, they smile and they hurry. While the audience is entertained with free giveaways and an Elvis impersonator in a gold lame suit, time is running short.

The judges have been selected randomly out of the audience and are patiently waiting. Each has a white board where they will score each dish on its taste, creativity and presentation. Beauregard finishes first and brings his dish down to the judges. The teenage girl from Spain takes only a small bite before making a face, but she still marks him fairly high. The other two judges are Kentucky natives and enjoy the dish a lot. Cattan brings her dish and receives three good reviews. This will be a close call.

The announcer asks for the final results. By only two points, the winner is…Roberta Cattan! Win number seven! She smiles like its Christmas morning and her present is another blue ribbon that she will place next to the six others she proudly owns. Maybe next year an eighth will complete the set, but for now the title of Cast-Iron Chef is still hers.

Can’t get enough of the Cast-Iron Chef Competition? Catch these match-ups on the Gourmet Garden stage sponsored by the Kentucky Beef Producers at 1:30 p.m. daily in the South Wing A Lobby. Robert Staggs of Standard Country Club vs. Bill Lynch of Le Relais on Monday, Aug. 24. Brandon Mitchell of Mitchell and Son Catering vs. Pete Robledo of Kroger Catering and Banquet Hall on Tuesday, Aug. 25. Tim Tucker of Salvation Army vs. Adam Hilsenrad of Café Beignet on Wednesday, Aug.26. Tavis Rockwell of Corbett’s Restaurant vs. Kendra Clark of Anglers Cove at Greenbo Lake State Park Resort on Thursday, Aug. 27. Colin Simmons of Black Cat Catering vs. Jared Richardson of Cleveland’s Restaurant on Friday, Aug. 28. Hollis Barnett of Varanese vs. Robert Black of The Blue-Eyed Chef Catering on Saturday, Aug. 29. Richard Lowe of Coach Lamp Restaurant & Pub vs. Mark Sullivan of Mitchell’s Fish Market on Sunday, Aug. 30.

A Day in the Life of an Ugly Lamp

Plug me in and turn me on. It’s my job. I can light up a home, but I think I could even light up the world. Well, let me explain myself. I am a Spanish dancer frozen in this calypso routine.

“Think Dancing with the Stars but way more awesome!”
Above my head is a burlap shade, decorated with bedazzled fruits and sequins. Even though the top is embellished with bows, I am the show down below on my neon streaked platform.

Of course I will walk away the winner. That blue ribbon will only add to my glamour. Just look at my competition! A fuzzy troll lamp? Please. It’s a furry purple concoction with a troll doll peering out from on top. He is probably jealous of my provocative bod. Next to that purple beast is an early-twentieth century man on a quaint bicycle. His back is turned to me, pedaling away from the competition. He won’t get far with that cumbersome top hat above him.

On the other side of the table is one of those leg lamps, very Christmas Story. She is tall, feminine, wrapped in fishnet stockings and a red and black lace garter to match her red high heels. The black and gold lined lampshade is right out of a speakeasy. Yes, she is sexy and tacky, but she is no match for my maracas.

“Wow, why would they take it that far?”

Someone really broke their ankle for this contest! That lamp down the way with her x-ray shade and signature-filled cast is definitely catching a lot of attention. But, she’s not uglier than me! I agree with whoever signed her cast “xoxo Deb,” the toes are just too cute, decked out with purple toenail polish. I don’t think the good wishes and signatures written on the cast can help her now. Sorry Pat, Nina and Max – although you may have wished this hobbling friend a quick recovery – this is my contest and the Latin Queen will reign supreme!

This is gonna be a tough competition going up against the King…of pop, that is. The silver, sparkling glove paired with the famous, black-fringed red military jacket sure screams Michael Jackson, as does the collage of pictures retracing his life on the shade. Although this King can moonwalk better than I can merengue, no one shines with the ugly factor like me!

Now that giant lamp behind me may be the tallest; bet it doesn’t make it the ugliest. The ER doc atop that pill-bottle lamp should have saved some of that Tylenol for the headache she’s gonna get after losing to me.

The judges are coming around now. They’ve chosen the squirrel lamp! Just think taxidermy and the worst interpretation of Deliverance. Wow, the crew and I are shocked, we can’t believe we’ve been beaten by a squirrel. Even the broken ankle lamp won something! There’s always next year…

But you should still come out and judge me for yourself everyday of the Fair in the South Wing B lobby. Be careful, you may make your living room lamps jealous.

A Day in the Life of a Cow at the KSF

“Come on Bessie. Come on. Time to get out; we’re here. We’ll milk you if you come inside…”

I don’t want to get out of my livestock trailer…no…you can’t make me…no matter how hard you pull…..Oh wait, this is the Kentucky State Fair! Sure, I’ll step out, today’s the day I strut my stuff.

First it’s time for my shower. Yikes! That’s cold! But I have to look nice for the judges. After my bath it’s time to moo-ve along to be trimmed and brushed. Don’t forget the oils; I like to make my coat glisten!

In my stall it is like an all-you-can-eat hay buffet. I can eat all day long, even in my sleep! I would like to get a nap, but the Kentucky kids keep petting and poking. It’s like they’ve never seen a cow before! Sheesh.

Here comes my owner. Time to put on my harness and give it my best. The judges are waiting. With my owner by my side, we step in to the ring. I hear our names called. I hold my head up high, give the judges a wink and slowly walk so they can see every inch of my well coifed coat.

Now the judges are tallying the results. They’ve seen all of us Kentucky Proud cows and they’ve made a decision. “And the winner is… Bessie” Hey, that’s me! And that’s my blue ribbon.

I gracefully walk my way back to the stall. It’s the best day of my whole cow life. I wouldn’t trade this for all the hay on the farm. Oh wait, did somebody say hay? I’m hungry.

Back to my spot and it’s finally time for a hay snack and a nap. After all, I deserve it.

A Day in the Life of a Little Mister

Standing just shy of 3 ½ feet, I rule this stage. Mom just said to wave and be cute.

“Ha, like that’s a problem for me.”

With my lady by my side, we stand proud at the edge of the stage, the announcer says my favorite show is Sponge Bob and that I love Little Caesars pizza. Well, any pizza really!

“Hey mom, why are you pinching your cheeks like that?”

My friends really wanted to be here to cheer me on. Mom said maybe later we can have a sleepover and watch Ratatouille. But back to now, they are calling my name.

Although I haven’t quite mastered the art of tying my shoes, I do know how to flash my baby-teeth grin.

“Did you notice my two new gaps? The tooth fairy came last week, just in time for the Fair!”

We make our way off the stage and through the clouds of “cough, cough…” hairspray. Thank goodness I don’t have to do all that! Gross! The girls with their hair squeezed tightly around sponge curlers squeal and squirm while gobs of lip gloss are shellacked on their puckered lips.

While she gets all adorable, I gotta check my notes. Dad made me put this paper in my pocket so I won’t forget what to do. It says…

CHECKLIST

Get dressed at 11:40 a.m. (remember to zip pants)

Practice run-throughs at noon

Last-minute outfit changes at 12:10 p.m.

Group interviews with the judges (be polite and don’t pick nose!)

Sit and wait

WIN at 7:30 p.m.!

In the meantime, Mom, Dad, Sis and I hit up the Kidz Biz area and stroll outdoors, only to find funnel cakes the size of the Little Miss’ crown. I scarf down a corn dog and mom shrieks.

“Be careful not to spill any ketchup on your sash!”

I eye the Thrillway and wonder if my crown will stay in place as I twirl and dip on the Kiddie Rides.

I’m not sure exactly how this blue and white sash is supposed to fit, but people keep staring at me because of it as I walk through the exhibits. They point, ooh and aah as they marvel at my perfect blonde hair. Then they ask what county I represent and if I’m ready to win tonight.

“Of course I’m ready to win! I’m a Little Mister!”

Tonight is the night, when I’ll strut my stuff in front of a big crowd and they’ll cheer us on with whoops and hollers. I’ll take my Little Miss’ hand and we’ll saunter across the stage in our pressed shirts and dresses.

A day at the Fair could end perfectly if we win the title of Little Miss and Mister. But I guess we’ll just have to wait and see at the Little Miss and Mister Kentucky County Fairs Pageant at 7:30 p.m. in South Wing B.

Hopefully lots of people come out to watch me!

Last Chance to Buy Discounted Tickets!

The 11-day, corn dog-eating, thrill-seeking, blue ribbon-winning Kentucky State Fair is almost here! Tomorrow the Fair begins, which means time is running out to buy advanced discount admission tickets.

Stop by any participating Louisville or Southern Indiana Kroger tonight to pick up general admission tickets for your entire family. Purchase adult tickets for only $6, Children tickets (ages 3-12) for just $2 and Seniors tickets (ages 55 & over) for $2. You can also buy Thrillway tickets for only $17 for a strip of 22 ride tickets.

Haven’t made plans yet for which day you’re attending? No problem! Tickets can be used any day of the Fair, so buy them now at the discounted rate.

Hurry to Kroger, before it’s too late! The offer ends at 10 p.m. tonight.